How to find a CTO and not make them hate you
I asked five big-tech engineers from UCL and Stanford how to actually get a CTO onboard. Here’s their honest advice.
If you’re a non-technical founder trying to bring a product to life, you’ve probably run into the question:
“How do I find a technical co-founder?”
And if every engineer you message seems to ghost you... well, here’s the unsavoury truth:
You probably pissed them off.
The problem is there's a big disconnect between non-technical founders and engineers, especially in expectations. As someone technical, I’ve been on the receiving end of many startup pitches that ask for something like an AI-native Netflix clone… in two weeks. And I’m not alone! Most of my technical friends have similar stories.
But this isn’t just a rant. I’ve been on both sides of the table.
I recently transitioned from being a “non-tech” myself, and I can empathise with the confusion and miscommunication that happens between technicals and non-technicals. Most non-techs aren’t arrogant; they just don't know what they don't know. And that gap in technical understanding is what leads to tension, ghosting, and missed opportunities on both sides.
To bridge that gap, I interviewed five incredible engineers from Stanford, UCL, Amazon, Samsara, and VC-backed startups. We broke down where to find technical co-founders, how to work with them, and what it takes to turn that “coffee chat” into a real partnership.
If you’re serious about building something real and not just pitching a dream, this guide is for you.
Who I spoke to:
JiaYi Chia - UCL CS, SWE @ Amazon, President @ UCL Tech Society
Nicole Garcia - Stanford CS, SWE @ Amazon
Michael Yin - UCL CS, SWE @ Samsara, Founder @ Calmify
Luke Tandjung - UCL Maths, Full-stack @ b connect
Peter Zhang - UCL CS, SWE @ Beacon Platform, President @ UCL Tech Society
All of them are incredible technical talent that built things for startups, scaleups, and billion-dollar tech companies.
Part 1: Where to find a CTO
Maybe you have a finance background, and you have a killer idea for a new fintech startup. Or maybe you're medical and want to develop a new health product.
Nevertheless, you need to find someone to help you build it. But you're surrounded by people of a similar background; Where can you find people with the technical skills?
Hackathons
Every single person I interviewed pointed to hackathons as the best way to meet strong technical builders.
"Hackathons filter out people who can and want to build. Most people treat university startup incubators as a way to test the water or pad their CV. They have no incentive to stay on the long run."
— Luke, Full Stack @ b connect
At hackathons, people ship. It's not talking about ideas over beer and champagne, it’s coding scrappy prototypes over Red Bulls and pizza. That environment selects for people who actually enjoy and are serious about building.
Peter, who was the President of UCL's Tech Society, highlights how going to hackathons increases your odds of meeting a like-minded builder:
"Go to hackathons or competitions where the topic is what you're interested in. You're more likely to meet like-minded tech people."
The more specific the event, the better. A fintech hackathon is going to attract fintech-curious engineers. A health tech build night? Same story. When you attend events that sit at the intersection of your startup idea and the tech world, you will meet potential co-founders who already care about the space.
Joining Hackathons as a Non-technical
Jiayi, who led UCL's Tech Society and organised Hack London 2024, shared how hackathons aren’t just for coders:
"My friends were afraid to join hackathons because they thought they couldn’t contribute. But everyone has something they’re good at."
"CS people often focus only the technical aspects and can let other aspects slide, such as business models and design. Non Technical students have the unique edge that they get unique insight into a niche (i.e. Business insight or Art design sense)."
"A good pitcher is very important in a hackathon!"
Joining a hackathon without technical skills can be daunting. You're not alone if you feel intimidated because of the intense pace at hacks, or if you fear judgment for your lack of technical skills.
Jiayi's advice? Just Join.
"Don't be afraid, have thick skin."
"I learned a lot just by joining hackathons."
"At first I joined, I got assigned non technical roles, and then slowly got into tech stuff"
As long as you're respectful and not ignorant (I will talk about how to not make your engineers hate you in part 2), there's nothing to lose and everything to gain at a hack.
Hackathons are also socially sticky. Teams that collaborate well often stay in touch afterwards. In my experience, some of my closest buddies were people I built with at hackathons. And we didn’t just stay friends, we went on to build cool stuff together. Side projects and start-up ideas that actually had legs.
Remember, hackathons are breeding grounds not just for ideas, but for lasting working relationships.
University Tech Communities
If you’re a student, you have a huge unfair advantage. The people in your classes, societies, and even your dorm are likely to become tomorrow’s top engineers.
"You’re surrounded by amazing technical people already. You just haven’t figured out who they are yet. Start small, talk to friends, join projects."
— Nicole, CS @ Stanford, SWE @ Amazon
Student societies like UCL Tech Society or Stanford CS clubs run weekly meetups, build nights, and internal hackathons. Even student-organised events are great ways to meet the people doing real work behind the scenes.
Filtering Builders
Luke made a point that stuck with me when connecting in these circles:
"University is a filtering mechanism. People who choose startups at the end of uni are more likely to still be doing them in five years."
You’re not just looking for any engineer. You’re looking for one who genuinely wants to build startups, not just pad their CV with extracurricular activities.
Tech-First Spaces (Not just Networking Mixers)
Conventional networking spaces and events may not be the best place to find technical talent.
Nicole brought up this critical distinction:
"Founders’ mixers are mostly attended by non-technical people. Technical builders are less likely to be there. The quality of builders there may also be in question."
"Technical founders may not always be social, and social builders might not always be technical. There's a trade-off."
"If someone has too much time to network, ask yourself — why aren’t they building?"
Michael, currently a SWE at Samsara and someone I consider a real 10x engineer, put it best:
"Good engineers are shy"
Michael pointed out that the best builders aren't necessarily the loudest or most socially polished. They're heads-down, passionate about their craft, and often sceptical of surface-level networking fluff. So if you want to find real builders, you need to go where they build, not where they pitch.
Tech conferences, developer meetups, indie hacker events, or niche Discord communities attract people who are deep in the craft. Even local hackspaces or co-working offices in tech hubs can expose you to people building real projects.
How to Get Involved
Here's my tip: Become a contributor and volunteer at tech events. In my experience, taking photos and ushering attendees has allowed me to sit in on many exclusive events (most recently an intimate fireside chat with Garry at Y Combinator this April).
Through volunteering and contribution, even as a non-technical, you can become part of the technical inner circles, instead of just a face in the crowd.
LinkedIn (But DO IT RIGHT)
Cold outreaches are never ideal, especially on LinkedIn, but it’s better than nothing. Michael shared his take on what a good outreach message should include:
Personal message — Mass messages are ignored.
Clear project scope — What’s the vision? What’s to be done?
Link to MVP/Mockup — Show, don’t tell
Calendly link — Eliminate back-and-forth dialogue, instant meeting
Strong LinkedIn Profile — Shows your track record and past efforts.
"Good engineers won’t respond to vague hype. But if your message is clear and respectful of their time, they might take a call."
— Michael
Here’s an example of a well-written outreach message Michael received:
Part 2: How to Avoid Making a CTO Hate You (And Maybe Even Make Them Want to Join You)
So you've taken your first step. Maybe you're attending a hackathon or a tech event, or maybe you've reached out to an engineer over LinkedIn. Here's how you can avoid sounding ignorant and collaborate effectively with your technical team.
Be Realistic, Don't Be Ignorant
The consensus from everyone I interviewed is that non-technicals frequently pitch technically unrealistic projects, and then expect technicals to build them.
Nicole recalled a story from her first year at Stanford:
"A non-tech founder pitched me this light therapy face mask that would diagnose your skin type. But from a technical perspective, it was full of red flags: medical data, compliance, dataset bias, and existing competitors."
Michael echoed this frustration on unrealistic technical expectations:
"I find it disrespectful when the non-tech thinks tech people can do everything. Companies like tiktok spend millions developing their app, how do you expect me to build it alone, and for free."
Worse, some non-technical founders might throw together a prototype on Lovable or Cursor, and assume it's good to go:
“Some non-technicals make something with Lovable and think this is a shippable product.”
— Michael
No, it's not. What you've built is AI-slop that is nowhere near production-ready. These vibe-coded builds aren’t just clunky, they’re dangerous. They can break under real traffic and often leak secrets or expose users to real risk.
There’s even a growing trend of hackers scanning GitHub and public repos for exactly these kinds of projects. Ones with hardcoded API keys and zero security practices.
If you’re vibe-coding a lot, you should definitely read this piece: The illusion of vibe-coding and why vibes aren't enough. It explains in great detail the shortcomings of vibe-coding and what you should do instead.
What not to do
Here’s someone asking Michael to "build an AI" for them. It is a hilariously good example of how to annoy an engineer:
And another example of someone asking for an entire team's work from one single person:
The first step to avoid making your technical hate you is having realistic expectations. You’re not hiring an all-powerful tech genie. You’re asking a human to collaborate with you.
Nicole offers a brilliant bit of advice:
"Don’t shy away from imaginative ideas. But before you approach someone technical, write your idea down and come up with a million and one reasons why it might fail technically.
Doing that gives you legitimacy. It shows you’ve thought deeply—not just about user needs, but also about the technical hurdles the person you’re recruiting will have to deal with.
It proves that you’ve done some due diligence in a domain you're not necessarily familiar with. It makes you look like a serious collaborator"
That due diligence is everything. It shows respect. It shows maturity. And most of all, it shows that you’re not just some loud talker looking for free labour.
Learn to Build (Even a Little)
You don’t need to become a full-stack engineer overnight. But if you want a technical co-founder to take you seriously, you need to show that you’re willing to meet them halfway.
All five engineers I interviewed agreed: non-technical founders who learn to build, even just a little, gain massive credibility. Learning how to build shows that you respect the craft.
Peter puts it plainly:
“You need to understand the pain of a developer.”
You can’t just show up with a Figma mockup and ignorantly ask someone to "build the next TikTok in 24 hours." That mindset is what makes engineers hate you. Learning how to build means you understand what you're actually asking for. It doesn’t just help you scope your product better; it also makes you a better teammate.
It’s great even though it’s bad
Luke and Nicole both agree that learning how to code, even if it's bad code, shows that you are a credible partner:
“Even if the code is bad, it’s nice to see that you’re willing to learn. It shows that you’re not just an ‘ideas’ person—you’ve got skin in the game.”
— Luke
With the help of ChatGPT and free resources like FreeCodeCamp, the barrier of entry for learning how to code has never been lower.
Jiayi suggests "Using ChatGPT to research technical specific terms." Peter advised watching Fireship videos, Apple’s WWDC talks, and Google I/O to stay up to date on tech news.
By putting effort into learning how to build and create a scrappy MVP, you’re showing that you're not just asking someone to build your dream. You’re showing that you’ve already started building it yourself.
Final Thoughts
Finding a CTO isn’t about smooth-talking someone with colourful language and tricking them into building your dream. It’s about building credibility and showing you’re serious.
No one wants to join a team where they're expected to do all the heavy lifting while someone else collects the clout. But if you show you’ve got skin in the game, you won’t need to beg anyone to join you. You’ll attract the kind of people who want to build with you.
If there’s one thing you take away from this guide, let it be this:
Builders respect builders.
Whether you write code or not, your job as a founder is to prove that you're not just playing entrepreneur, you’re actually building.
That’s how you find your CTO, without making them hate you.
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Really mess with this Remus :))
So so good